3 May 2007

US Troops Have Captured Bin Laden!

1:00 am, Baghdad time: Reuters reports Bin Laden captured in a remote Iraqi village. Cites anonymous US military source.

1:01 am: Wingnut blogs go ballistic with joy.

1:03 am: Story running on all international newswires. FOX, CNN and other TV stations issue Newsflash bulletins.

1:05 am: President Bush holds imprompt press conference. Says that the news, if true, will be a great boost for freedom and democracy.

1:10 am: US spokesperson in Baghdad confirms the capture. Says Bin Laden is now being help by Iraqi troops in a secure location. Will be airlifted by helicopter to an undisclosed location for interrogation ASAP.

1:13 am: Still waiting for confirmation from Iraqi government.

1:15 am: Bush issues statement live on national TV. "Mission accomplished!" he beams. High fives all round on the White House lawn.

1:20 am: Foreign leaders respond to the news with congratulatory telegrams. A sombre John Howard reminds Australians that "the long war" against violent extremism is not over.

1:26 am: News Ltd staff around the globe publish boastful editorials saying this confirms everything they have ever said about anything, ever. So there.

1:27 am: Wingnut blog link to News Ltd stories, saying this confirms everything they have ever said about anything, ever. So there.

11:10 pm: Iraqi government suggests detainee may not actually be Bin Laden, but a tall man with a beard and a similar-sounding name.

Two days later: Local police at remote village in Iraq admit detainee is actually a crippled old beggar named Osama Olda Game. Suggest he may still be useful for interrogation purposes.

Two and a half days later: Wingnut blogs excitedly talking about baseball, golf, and American Idol.

Three days later: VP Dick Cheney contacts local police at remote village in Iraq, asking if Osama Olda Game has information on Iranian nuclear program.

Seriously, folks, What a crock of sh*t. I am tired of all this nonsense.

UPDATE: Here's what we are up against. As an experiment, I posted links to this thread at Eschaton and Iraq The Model. Predictably, lots of hits ensued. But whereas the Atrios folks quickly discerned it as a satirical hoax, and moved on with other matters, the ITM folks got a different version of reality. I used the name "nemo" to avoid my lifetime ban at ITM...
WOW! US troops have just captured Bin Laden - an in Iraq too!!!
nemo | Homepage | 05.03.07 - 9:32 pm | #


nemo is spam.
schneezecake | 05.03.07 - 10:27 pm | #


nemo | Homepage | 05.03.07 - 9:32 pm |

What a crock of sh*t

Timeline: Al-Qaeda

bg | 05.03.07 - 10:33 pm | #


nemo | Homepage | 05.03.07 - 9:32 pm |

Al Qaeda's New Front (main page)

Al Qaeda's New Front (video)

bg | 05.03.07 - 10:36 pm | #



ROFLMAO, what a stoooooopid liar!

It likely got off while writing his pathetic thoughts on his blog.
Anonymous | 05.03.07 - 10:43 pm | #


OT.. transcript, video, audio..

President Bush Addresses CENTCOM
Coalition Conference (May 1, 2007)

bg | 05.03.07 - 10:58 pm | #


what Saddam et al wrought, what AQ et al
destroyed, what Iraqi & COTW will restore

bg | 05.03.07 - 11:51 pm | #


B.H. | 05.03.07 - 10:58 pm |

so sick of the endless "stuck at square one"
WMD BS the MSM & BDS sufferer's created..

REASONS for going to war with Saddam's Iraq


[If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will immediately and unconditionally forswear, disclose, and remove or destroy
all weapons of mass destruction, long-range missiles, and
all related material.

If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will immediately end all support for terrorism and act to suppress it, as all states are required to do by U.N. Security Council resolutions.

If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will cease persecution of its civilian population, including Shi'a, Sunnis, Kurds, Turkomans,
and others, again as required by Security Council resolutions.

If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will release or account for all Gulf War personnel whose fate is still unknown. It will return the remains of any who are deceased, return stolen property, accept liability for losses resulting from the invasion of Kuwait, and fully cooperate with international efforts to resolve these issues, as required by Security Council resolutions.

If the Iraqi regime wishes peace, it will immediately end all
illicit trade outside the oil-for-food program. It will accept U.N. administration of funds from that program, to ensure that the money is used fairly and promptly for the benefit of the Iraqi people.

If all these steps are taken, it will signal a new openness and accountability in Iraq. And it could open the prospect of the United Nations helping to build a government that represents all Iraqis -- a government based on respect for human rights, economic liberty, and internationally supervised elections.

The United States has no quarrel with the Iraqi people; they've suffered too long in silent captivity. Liberty for the Iraqi people is a great moral cause, and a great strategic goal. The people of Iraq deserve it; the security of all nations requires it. Free societies do not intimidate through cruelty and conquest, and open societies do not threaten the world with mass murder. The United States supports political and economic liberty in a unified Iraq.]

20/20 hindsight does not negate the fact that the REASONS
(+ 18 UN res) were valid at the time, so get over it already..

bg | 05.04.07 - 12:08 am | #
Now, let's all take a good look at what just happened there at ITM.

For starters, my comment was awaiting moderation for an hour. Once it was accepted (and I'm surprised they even published it) it was hammered with ridicule and counter-spinning links for two hours, almost entirely by an anoymous commenter known only as "bg" [stupid me: I should never have published the comment in the middle of the night, US time, when all ITM's readers are asleep].

And BG is sowing the seeds on the Repug ground for a time when - inevitably - US troops will have to be withdrawn from Iraq. And BG is ensuring that the hardocre wingnuts who frequent ITM - like GWB - will blame the Iraqi people for their humiliation.

Personally, I suspect the Fadhil boys cleared my comment with US PsyOps, who asigned an agent [bg] to it.

But that's just me.

And of course I cannot prove it.

Unless someone steps forward with evidence.

UPDATE 2: Unbelievable. The Fadhil brothers respond with yet another amazingly coincidental post (even before my original comment was posted to their blog, which shows how spohisticated the operation is: newbies will head to the latest post, whereas only the true blievers will bother following up the archives):
Uncertainty about the identity of the killed senior terrorist was soon in place, while the Iraqi interior ministry insists it was al-Baghdadi, US officials think otherwise, they confirmed that a senior al-Qaeda operative name Muharib Abdul Latif al-Jubouri was killed though.
Of course they are not responding to my inncuous little comment. Oh, nooooo-o-o-o....

What you need to understand, dear reader, is that while such transparent b*llsh*t might be obvious to you and me, Bush's hardcore 30% are reading the state-sponsored PsyOps at ITM, not the reality at Gandhi's blog. Click here if you don't know what I'm talking about. This is a battle we need to win.