The Tao Of Howard

With apologies to Lao Tse:

One


The lie that can be told is not the eternal Lie.
The policy that can be named is not the eternal Policy.
Fascism is the core of Conservativism and Capitalism.
The non-core promise is the mother of the election cycle.
Even media insiders can see the mystery.
Even business leaders see the manifestations.
These two spring from the same source but differ in name; the public remains in the dark.
Darkness within darkness.
The key to all horror.


Two


In Canberra all can see Labor as left-wing only because there is Liberal.
All can think Rudd is good only because there is Howard.

Therefore Liberal and Labor arise together.
Howard and Costello complement each other.
Garrett and Turnbull contrast each other:
Downer and Hockey rest upon their fat butts;
Ruddock and Andrews harmonize with each other;
Australia and the UK follow Teh USA.

Therefore thepotential protester goes about doing nothing, reduced to silence.
Election cycles rise and fall without cease,
Creating expectations, yet not delivering.
Those who do the work do not get the credit.
Their work is done, then forgotten.
The Stockmarket rises forever.


Three


Not promoting the gifted prevents leadership speculation.
Non-core promises prevent accountability.
Not promising desirable things prevents trouble with the budget.

Howard therefore rules by emptying hearts and stuffing bellies, by weakening ambitions and strengthening the military.
If journalists lack knowledge and desire, then whistle-blowers will not try to interfere.
If nothing is done, then all will be well.


Four


The Lie is an empty promise; it is proferred, but never fulfilled.
Oh, unfathomable source of the election cycle!
Curtail the investigation,
Fly the kite,
Blow the dog whistle,
Muddy the waters.
Oh, hidden deep but ever present Lie!
Voters do not know from whom it comes.
It is the plaything of the political gods.


Five


Washington and London are impartial;
They see the Australian election cycle as a puppet theatre.
Media moguls are never impartial;
They see the people as malleable fools.

The space between Good and Evil is like a farce.
The policy changes but not the result;
The more lips move, the more truth yields.
Good words count for nothing.
Hold fast to the right wing.


Six


The Green spirit never dies;
It is a constant, primal wail.
Bob Brown is a pain in the arse.
The Greens are like a promise barely countenanced.
Ignore them; they will never hold power.


Seven


Liberal and Labor last forever.
Why do Howard and Costello last forever?
They are never advised,
So ever unaccountable.
Howard stays uninformed, thus he is out of jail.
He is heartless, thus at one with the mob.
Through selfish inaction, he retains the Lodge.


Eight


The best lie is like a good Pinot Gris.
Promises give life to the election cycle and do not survive.
They disappear in the hangover of a Friday afternoon and so are like the Canberra press gallery.

On camera, be close to the lens.
On talkback radio, seek the heart of darkness.
In handling babies, be gentle and kind.
In Washington, be supine.
In Parliament, be wilfully misleading.
In Kirribilli House, be recklessly self-indulgent.
In going to war, be unaware of dissenting opinions.

Never back down: Never accept blame.


Nine


Better to be short than fat like Costello.
Polish the glasses, the eyebrows are looking more like Menzies' every day.
Amass a portfolio of stocks and bonds, Janet can protect it.
Claim wealth and titles for yourself, disaster will follow for others.
Never retire.
This is the way of Howard.