13 Apr. 2008

Out With The Old Spies...


ASIO is advertising again. The latest advert in the SMH asks "How do you define achievement?" - is that part of the test? The next screen (after a warning not to discuss your application with anyone) asks "How do you define reward?" - which probably means the pay sucks.

I guess you could define "achievement" as making sure the Australian public never finds out why we really went to war in Iraq, or who planted that bomb outside the Hilton hotel back in the early 1980's? "Reward" is presumably further up the pay chain: starting as an analyst on $56-$78K (yep, the pay sucks), you can move into fields like Policy Development or Counter Espionage, where you help identify "attempts to interfere in... the political process". [Hey, isn't that what I do here every day? Where's MY reward? Oh, yeah, my loyal readers! Love to you both! LOL]

I gotta admit, this job sounds tempting:
The person you are is more important than what you've studied or where you're currently working.
But aside from the salary, I have two major problems:

1. Relocation to cold, cold, cold Canberra. I was born there, and the only thing I can really remember is how cold it was.
2. Not telling family and friends what I do for a living. Doesn't that almost guarantee ASIO is going to get untrustworthy, socially dysfunctional liars in the job?

HINT TO ASIO: I'd rather be "tapped" if you don't mind. Let me stay here on the Gold Coast, and keep the kids in school. Give me a $50K wad of loose change cash as "incentive". I'll tell my wife that if she really wants to know where it came from, I'll have to give it back. That might work (but probably not: she's just too bloody honest). We'll talk salary later, m'kay?