On the one hand I am applying for a job as a writer at ASIO. I saw the following advert (yep, it's real) in Saturday's SMH and I was totally convinced that destiny was calling:
I WAS A WRITER UNTIL I WROTE THISI was planning to submit my application first thing Monday morning. But then the NSW election results came through. It was a crushing 21st consecutive election defeat for John Howard's Liberals.
While writing this recruitment ad for ASIO Intelligence Officers, I had an out-of-job experience. I could see my job compared to that of an ASIO Intelligence Officer and it make me think. On the one hand there's Intelligence Officers protecting our way of life. On the other, there's me protecting my way of life. Seems a bit small in comparison. So I've made a big decision. I'm going to apply. I realise that the people skills and critical thinking I use every day would be put to better use at ASIO. So the next thing I will write is my application.
Do something better with your brain.
Apply at www.asio.gov.au
The little man himself was insisting (yet again) that the loss was a result of state issues, which is kind of wierd considering all the state issues seemed to be negatives for the Iemma government. Howard advised the NSW Liberals to do a better job of presenting their policies, which is kind of wierd because it was a voter backlash against his own Industrial Relations policies which dominated the post-election analysis. Little wonder there were calls for Howard's resignation the next day.
So I was just working through my ASIO application...
The opportunities we offer: ASIO is undergoing a period of unprecedented growth, both in numbers and in the development of advanced technical capabilities.Heh. Yeah, I bet.
Technical AnalystThat's me right there, I thought. Gandhi the trendy Net dot joiner.
As a member of the Computer Exploitation Investigations team you will have an interest in emerging technologies and Internet trends. You will utilise your well developed analytical skills to evaluate a range of electronic information and focus ongoing technical collection efforts. In this role you will work on major ASIO investigations, providing technical expertise to help ‘join the dots’.
But then suddenly, a little chat message from someone called email@example.com pops up on my screen:
Looking for new talent with antiwar cred. $$$ awaits. Salary pkg incl. travel, accomodation, pension plan w/ Carlyle Group. Come to the dark side.Well, why not? I thought.
I mean, if I don't take the job, Big Rupert will just give it to someone else, right? At least if I'm working inside the tent I might be able to have some influence on decision-making. You can't fight this stuff: it's bigger than one man. Maybe I should just put myself and my family's financial security ahead of other priorities for a while? Who could blame me?
So now, I dunno. It's a toss up. I've decided to apply for both jobs and just see how things go. Ideally, I would like to be able to write my own war propaganda and then sling it personally from the Murdoch media catapult. That would be just perfect.
UPDATE: The ASIO application is already looking wobbly. For one thing:
ALL APPLICATIONS FOR EMPLOYMENT WITH ASIO ARE HANDLED IN THE STRICTEST CONFIDENCE. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT YOU MAINTAIN A SIMILAR LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY, AND THAT YOU NOT DISCUSS YOUR APPLICATION WITH OTHERS.D'oh!
Then there's this bit:
How to apply: Applicants should e-mail ITspecialists@tmpworldwide.com.au for further details on the selection criteria and how to apply.Eh? So you apply by just asking how to apply, then sit back and wait while they run checks on you? That's enough to make me feel a bit nervous, given my close links to the famous Incident On South Dowling Street back in the 80's.
Applicants should note that only those selected for interview will be contacted further.
This is even scarier:
Preferred applicants will be required to undergo psychological assessment and intrusive security and personal checking.Intrusive personal checking??! Ouch! There's no cameras up there, man, I swear!!!