11 Feb. 2007

PM John Howard's Really Bad Day

Early Morning: Woke up for my early morning briefing. Bit groggy. Too much peach schnapps last night? Aides warned that latest poll results would not be good. Initial feedback from my anti-Obama comments on Channel Nine morning show yesterday also not positive. Tried hard to concentrate but could not shake overnight visions of a black man becoming President of the USA. What have we been fighting for, if not this?

Midday: International media storm over my Obama comments. Who would have guessed? At least Alex still has my back. I trained him well. The backbench is also standing firm. Unity is strength, lads! Where's that schnapps...?

Afternoon: The damned left-wing press will not relent. Forced to reiterate my stance. Try to paint it as more of a domestic Australian political spat. Don't want any more heat from Washington. These things can get out of hand.

Time for my nap. Wake up in a cold sweat after dreaming of handing the keys to the lodge over to David Gulpilil! Another shot of schnapps to cool my nerves... Switch on the TV and - horrors! - that bastard Keating is on screen:
"He's become an old desiccated coconut, hasn't he, and he stayed too long," Mr Keating said.

"He had a chance to get out, give it to Costello, but he wants to hang on.

"You know prime ministers have got araldite on their pants, most of them, they want to stick to their seat and you either put the sword through them or you let the public do it."
Schnapps, Janet! Now! ! Bring me the damned bottle!