Teh Five Point Plan

I, John Winston Howard, do hereby promise that if re-elected I will:

1. Work out how to blame Labor for the coming global recession.

2. Keep inflaming Muslim radicals around the globe. Hang tight with Pervez and El Busho Loco. Pretend it makes sense.

3. Don't forget, um... What was it? Oh yeah - election promises!

4. Pour $10 billion into the Murray-Darling. See what happens.

5. Be nice to, err... what is it they call them these days, Janet? Oh, yes: the indigenes.